just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
