After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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