so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
