i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
