I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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