I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
