The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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