I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
