I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
