you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The best revenge is premature balding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
