My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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