i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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