I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
