how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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