the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
