So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We need to get me chipped asap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
