i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
