I met the friendliest cop last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
