i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
