in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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