FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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