is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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