mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
