Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
