You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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