just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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