shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
