I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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