Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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