hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
