i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
