The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
