***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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