Will you blow on my dice?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
