anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
