I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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