The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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