if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
