Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
