god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
