I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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