I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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