Your tits are I can't wait for
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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