all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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