If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
