Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
