Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
