absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My first STD was from a foam party
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
