You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
