Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
that is very illegal...i love you.
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