I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
