He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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