today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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