new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
