you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.