Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.