I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out