i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.