I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable