fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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