Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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