I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
