none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They took my balls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
