I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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