A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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