If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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