I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
