she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
