You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
