I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
