You're so nebulous sometimes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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