are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
