Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
