Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
