Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
