Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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