She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
