Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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