just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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