I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
