so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its about making memories worth repressing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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