His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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