I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
