i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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