Having a random hookup so left but love u
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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