im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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